and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
tell me about the fingering
Randomize