Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
