1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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