I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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