Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
