it hurts more in the daytime
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize