Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
