Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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