areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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