I like to think it a success when the cops are called
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm gonna fight the coyote
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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