I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
