sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
