She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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