Duck Duck Cougar?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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