I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
