Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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