halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
