i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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