Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
