I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
