oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
