this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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