He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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