The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
