So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
