Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
