So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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