im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize