Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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