i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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