i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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