at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
