I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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