Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
