omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
