Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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