grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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