I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
