i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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