whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
