Will you blow on my dice?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
