thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
