at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
