I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
me + whiskey = a bad person
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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