kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
