Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
