Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
