even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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