Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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