remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
