I smell stomach acid.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
