how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
