she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
