i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I could fuck to npr.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
