well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
