i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
