i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
