Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
