she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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