If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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