i just made my gag reflex go away.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
