There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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