every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize