my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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