I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
