would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
