I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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