I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
