I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
