you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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