ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
