thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
