went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i now understand why vodka
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
