so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
