i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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