eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
