she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize