Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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