you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
