I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
