the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
