Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
