Do you still have your period?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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