Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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