What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
