Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
