There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
